I <ISOLATE> NJ: 28 Unanswered Questions (Plus One I Finally Figured Out) from my Latest Bout with COVID

I spent the past five days almost completely alone, isolating with a – thankfully mild –  case of COVID that I didn’t want to pass on to my family or anyone else.

And while I did enjoy watching and listening to whatever I wanted (David Byrne, college football, McCabe & Mrs. Miller, Columbo, a little Jeopardy, and more David Byrne), I had way too much time alone with my thoughts, which I spent the long holiday weekend documenting in this stream-of-conscious list: 

A direct message of support from my little sister Molly.

THE 29 QUESTIONS I ASKED MYSELF THIS WEEKEND THAT I’M WILLING TO PUBLICLY REVEAL

Disclaimer: Before you go on, consider yourself warned… we’re all very lucky I have a wife and daughter who keep my neurotic overthinking at bay most of the time.

1.) How many shots in the Talking Heads concert film “Stop Making Sense” were pre-planned or did Jonathan Demme and his crew wing a lot of them?

2.) Could I pull off wearing a Columbo-style rumpled trench coat?

3.) Shouldn’t the leader of the free world be comforting the victims of the latest school shooting and working to fix this gun violence epidemic instead of posting a weird rant about damage to some limestone in the Rose Garden?

4.) Is it crazy to pay $10 to buy “McCabe & Mrs. Miller” instead of renting it for $4 in case Margo wants to watch a 54-year-old Robert Altman movie some day?

5.) Did I go overboard online shopping Friday night when I bought Margo eight pairs of pants, three long sleeve t-shirts, a sweatsuit, and a secret t-shirt since we had to cancel our planned Back to School shopping outing?

6.) Do enough people celebrating Labor Day weekend know that in 1968 a family of three could live above the poverty line on one minimum wage income?

7.) Wait, when did AJ Dillon sign with the Philadelphia Eagles?

8.) What movie or TV show did I watch recently that used David Byrne’s “Tiny Apocalypse” in the end credits?

A mourning dove on my roof overlooks a tiny apocalypse in my backyard

9.) Are those mourning doves on my roof trying to get my attention to refill the bird feeders or are they always there and I’ve been alone upstairs for too long?

10.) Could I pull off a bowler cap like Warren Beatty in “McCabe & Mrs. Miller?”

Warren Beatty in a bowler cap in the snow in “McCabe & Mrs. Miller”

11.) Or could the customizable baseball caps instagram keeps advertising to me be what’s missing from my life?

12.) Are those “mitochondrial challenges” I’m seeing on the face in the mirror or did I just sleep with my eye mask too tight last night?

13.) Should we really be letting the public health of our country be steered by a narcissist who swore in a deposition that a tapeworm ate part of his brain and who later falsely claimed the COVID-19 vaccine is “the deadliest vaccine ever made”?

14.) Is there any chance I unsuccessfully dodged that dead skunk I saw and smelled while driving with my windows down earlier today?

15.) How bad did that dead roadkill bear cub smell in the back of RFK Jr’s van when he drove it from Goshen to Brooklyn to Central Park?

16.) Was all that snow Warren Beatty laid in at the end of “McCabe & Mrs. Miller” real and what kind of soup did he warm up with when shooting wrapped?

17.) Was it beef stew or perhaps a potato chowder?

18.) Are chowders & stews soups?

19.) Is there any chance I could have passed along COVID in the 30 seconds I interacted with the 11-year-old girl who appeared out of nowhere behind me at the playground on Sunday to ask me if I was eating breakfast just after I took off my mask to quickly gobble a Dunkin Chipotle Hashbrown Wake-Up Wrap? (Side note: Yes, they are delicious)

Thank goodness for large KN95 masks & that my neighborhood has multiple (mostly) empty playgrounds.

20.) Shouldn’t the leader of the free world be comforting the victims of the latest school shooting and working to fix this gun violence epidemic instead of complaining that Roger Clemons isn’t in the MLB Hall of Fame?

21.) When is the customizable baseball cap I ordered off of Instagram going to arrive?

22.) Should I keep wearing a mask in the kitchen even after I recover to permanently eliminate my mindless munching while I prep meals?

23.) Why did ESPN rate my fantasy football draft results a B?

24.) What if the chipmunk hole I tweaked my knee stepping in as I refilled my bird feeders is actually a rat burrow?

25.) Will I get a better grade when I have my second fantasy draft on Wednesday?

26.) Is Bill Belichick’s 24-year-old girlfriend really a birder or is that “bird-er” line in her instagram bio a reference I don’t understand?

27.) Will Bill go birding with her to help walk off the pain from his first loss as a college coach last night?

28.) Shouldn’t the leader of the free world be comforting the victims of the latest school shooting and working to fix this gun violence epidemic instead of spending multiple days hiding out at his golf course?

29.) Why did it take me so long to remember that “Tiny Apocalypse” is in the end credits to “John Mulaney & the Sack Lunch Bunch?”

Besides #8, I’m still pondering the other 28 questions, so if you have any potential answers please let me know.

What I do know is that isolation, though sometimes necessary, really stinks and can lead to some pretty crazy thinking, so maybe we should all push ourselves to avoid it whenever possible and show up for our neighbors near and far a little more.

My Song of the Day: “Tiny Apocalypse" by David Byrne

A Movie Review You Should Only Read After You’ve Seen The Movie: Roger Ebert on “McCabe & Mrs. Miller”

Margo was nice enough to give me one of her prized “Sisters movie” plates to help me feel better