I <SHED> NJ: My Overdue Apology To Aaron Rodgers

As I uncomfortably crouched in a semi-completed sweltering shed pathetically trying to tighten eight tiny interior roof screws, I suddenly had a shocking epiphany. Maybe it was my 15 minutes of solitude in my self-made sweat lodge, inhaling the fumes of my own desperate stench, or the awesome power of my mini-silent retreat whose only interruptions were the ting of falling screws rolling into dark oblivion, but I finally realized something: I’ve been too hard on Aaron Rodgers.

As I slowly cooked in that tiny shed, I finally realized why A-Rod likes his silent darkness retreats so much

I always judged the enigma formerly known as QB12 for over-estimating his own value in his late 30s, but here I was at 38 sitting in a pool of my own perspiration as the walls literally caved in on me in a shed of my own making.

I mean sure, I still think A-Rod’s final stretch with the Packers and brief stint in East Rutherford would have gone better if he had spent more time establishing team chemistry, but was what he did any different than me ignoring explicit instructions that warned you needed three people to complete this 1-2 hours project? On Day 2 of Operation Solo Shed Build, 10 hours into my Sisyphean task, I finally realized no.

When I dropped a screw down this impossibly tiny hole, I briefly considered the possibility that I was out of my element.

I always judged Aaron for his estrangement from his family, but here I was cursing my parents for not passing on any of the skills it takes to be a handy home owner.

I resented him for only following the rules and protocols that he felt should apply to him, but I also used a drill immediately after reading a warning it could damage my shed’s plastic, so maybe I’m more of Rodgers-like enigma than I previously realized.

I’m pretty sure doors have two hinges because only one needs to fully attach to the door, right??

Listen, hubris has its benefits. Aaron never gave up on himself and at 41 he’s already thrown for 447 yards two weeks into this NFL season. Sometimes we Icaruses need to get burned to remember what makes us soar. After breaking one door hinge and tipping over the whole structure to track down one last tiny screw, I finished my shed. Against all odds, one month later I can report it’s still standing! (Though I’m not allowed to store anything in yet because Margo thinks it’s her playhouse.)

Not only has my shed survived being built by me, it also withstood me tipping it over to rescue that missing screw!

So I want to take this opportunity to offficially say sorry Aaron and good luck with Pittsburgh the rest of the season!

This shed does have an impressive amount of storage space.

…And as part of my mea culpa, I’ll end on a little unsolicited advice: As these first two weeks have shown the Steelers, it’s hard to win without a strong defense, so remember to get your flu and COVID boosters before sick season heats up.

One month in, my shed is still going strong and so is Margo’s 100% certainty that it’s actually her shed.

My Song of the Day: You Want It Darker by Leonard Cohen