I <DIVE> NJ: 7 Lessons Learned Over 7 Years of Sobriety

It’s fitting that Thanksgiving was so late this year because I’m still basking in a glow of gratitude.

This morning I woke up seven years sober. That’s 2,557 days with no hangovers, no blackouts, no existential dread …okay that last one hasn’t gone away completely, but now when dread sits on my chest, it weighs a lot less.

At times, especially in the beginning, it was incredibly hard, but miraculously it’s gotten easier every year, even if it isn’t easy every second of every day.

I continue to learn so much on this journey, but here are the seven things standing out to me most on my seventh sober anniversary:

1 - You Never Know When You’ll Need To Be Your Sharpest First Thing in the Morning

Some day, you may unexpectedly find yourself with a two-year-old who sneakily learns how to open her door and creep into your room to loudly wake you up.

As the great philosopher RuPaul says, “if you stay ready, you ain’t got to GET Ready.” And the greatest gift of my sobriety is that my kids will never see me hungover or drunk, even though they may see me make a fool out of myself when they scare me awake.

2 - There’s A Lot Of Hope Hiding in Basements

For the first five years after I quit drinking I regularly attended AA meetings. Some weren’t a good fit for me, but most were a huge help.

There’s something so powerful about a group of strangers from all corners of society getting together just to help each other out for an hour, away from the hustle of work, technology, and any other outside stressors. The idea of community has been so splintered in our modern world, but I think some of the best examples of community can be found in random church basements all over the world.

3 - One Kind Interaction Can Change Someone’s Life

There are so many people who helped me on my journey who I only spoke to once and never saw again. Saying one kind or helpful thing to someone can make a huge difference in their lives. It’s good for us to open up more to each other even if we’re scared we might put our foot in our mouths.

4 - Seek Progress Not Perfection

One of the tenets of AA that was so liberating for me was “We are not saints.” There were so many times in life that I never attempted something because I knew I couldn’t execute it perfectly.

Perfection is impossible, but progress can happen everyday. If you can consistently focus on those little victories, I promise you’ll be amazed at some point when they accumulate into a big victory.

5 - Play The Cards You’re Dealt

Before I got sober, I wasted too much time frustrated by different hands I’d been dealt instead of just accepting them and playing my cards to the best of my ability.

There are some things in life we can change, some we can’t and it takes serenity and acceptance to know the difference.

6 - Everybody’s Journey is Different

I share my story every year because I find it helpful to remind myself how different my life used to be, and how far I’ve come.

But I also do it just in case any aspect of my story is helpful to anyone else. Before I realized I had a problem, I saw many people  in my personal life and in pop culture share their own unique struggles, and seeing their journeys gave me the strength to finally start out on my own when I realized it was time.

7 - I’m Incredibly Lucky

Seneca said luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity, and that slightly-less-famous-than-RuPaul philosopher was definitely onto something, but I also think it’s a lot easier to be lucky when you have a supportive partner, family, bosses, and friends.

I was given the opportunity to realize I had a problem before I had any issues with physical dependency and then the time and space to figure out a new way to be a functioning member of society.

I’m forever grateful for the life I have now and wish you just as much luck in whatever your struggles may be.

Song of the Day: “The Man Who Loved Beer” by David Byrne

Earlier this year, Margo insisted on taking “New York City’s Best Dive Bars” from a free little library. I was pretty amused to see some of my favorite old haunts made the book, but was also very glad I didn’t miss them anymore!